UNIT 4 : ARE YOU JOKING?

http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html


What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!" Submitted by: Kevin Penner

________________________________________
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
 Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did. Submitted by: Kmankoolman

________________________________________
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink. "Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink." The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman. "Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone." Submitted by: Ugur Yavuzturk

 ________________________________________
 A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman. Submitted by: Anonymous ________________________________________
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
 Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't. Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding. Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk? Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk! Submitted by: Nick Henry, ESL teacher in Korea

________________________________________
What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).
• Telegram
• Telephone
• Tell a woman
Perhaps not very politically correct in the times we live in, but worth a slight chuckle.
Submitted by: Dave & Brendan EDITOR'S NOTE: Maybe you could teach your students the phrase "politically correct" and discuss it.

________________________________________
 If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.
Submitted by: Anonymous

________________________________________
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's. Submitted by: Ugur Yavuzturk ________________________________________

"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said. "Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?". Submitted by: Ugur Yavuzturk

________________________________________
When I was young I didn't like going to weddings. My grandmother would tell me, "You're next" However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Submitted by: Chris Fisher ________________________________________


 SEMANTIC FIELDS- WAYS OF WALKING.

WAYS OF LOOKING